This is a stupid Christmas present for all of you who, like me, are noticing that the Christmas season now starts before Thanksgiving.
The source: Neiman Marcus’ Christmas catalogue. Not the new one, which still features wretched excess, if a little less excessive now (no more his and hers Chinese Junks). The item described below is from the 1974 Christmas Book, a spectacularly rare, mint-conditioned piece of ephemera that I picked up from the fine Rochester shop Utter Clutter--Dames Don't Care, one of the best secondhand stores in Western New York.
Here's the craziest part. I remember receiving this catalogue when it was new. We moved into our Cranford, N. J. house in 1968, and the Neiman Marcus catalogues, which were addressed to the previous owners of the house, kept coming every Christmas even though my family wasn't remotely able to afford even the cheapest gift in its pages let alone a Faberge “Kelch” Easter Egg (a real one, not a copy) that it advertised for a bargain price of 25 thousand bucks ($151,121.70 in 2022 dollars, a relatively stable price for the object when inflation is taken into account ...and an even better bargain since a genuine Faberge Easter Egg, even not an Imperial one, now sells for millions (Malcolm Forbes bought this one before the catalogue went to press. Such a deal.)
The "world time computer" gave you "readout of any time in the world, plus or minus 60 seconds a year… at the touch of a button" would, by contrast, set you back by $4,750.00 in 1974 dollars or $28,713.12 in 2022 dollars, and the PONG computer game console for your home would cost $3,199.80 in today's dollars.
If I had a time machine, and some 1974 dollars, I’d definitely go for that Faberge egg. It is now worth millions.
The fashions are the funniest part of the catalogue. The menswear is from the House of Dork, and the womenswear is cheap polyester crap that now goes for a few bucks at Goodwill. It did not look fashionable when it was new; the year 1974 was definitely the low bar for fashion in the Decade that Taste Forgot.
We also got yearly packages of lovely oranges and apples intended for the same family from Harry and David's fruit company for many years after they had moved...my father innocently and honestly, and perhaps stupidly, returned the first package to the Post Office and the Post Office guys just ate the fruit. In the following year we came to our senses and ate the oranges and apples ourselves--(thank you, Mr. And Mrs. Wolfram!)
But to return to the catalogue. Every year the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book would feature a one off gift idea that gave rich people something that the rest of us couldn't afford if we wanted to and wouldn't buy if we could.
But there was a recession in 1974, and conspicuous consumption was...slightly out of style. So they scaled down from the solid gold diamondstudded electric swizzle sticks that i remember from another Christmas catalogue...to this.
It's a mouse ranch.
Yes, I am not making this up.
The text is so stupid that it could only have been written by someone who thought they were being clever. "Imagine the thrill of sitting around the campfire (or fireplace) singing songs of the prairie under the full moon (or lamp) with your own herd lowing softly (squeaking gently?) beyond the light of the fire. Picture the thrill of rodeo time: roping, dogging, barrel racing, prize stock exhibitions and sales. The N-bar M ranch is a controlled and utopian environment created in clear acrylic." (The italics are mine.)
What I want to know, all these years later, is this:
Did anyone actually buy this idiotic thing? For crying out loud, it cost over $3500.00, or about $21,157.04 in today's dollars! All for a few pieces of Plexiglas.
Somehow, I can picture George W. Bush doing it.
Some people just have too much money.
Merry Thanksgiving all. Do your Christmas shopping early.